Who and Why Do Individuals Launch Direct and Simple Verbal Attacks
Two Big Lies
With direct simple direct attacks, the reason for the attack is often to inflict mental pain and the attacker may or may not care about the truth behind the attack. However, if the attack is based upon known facts under the control of the person, then the attack may be seeking both behavior modification and mental pain. Double binds usually involve being questioned. Simple verbal attacks usually seek to inflict mental pain or, frequently, to control the actions of another person. And, less often, a physical confrontation is the desired ending.
There are two big lies that you must put behind you if you experience a verbal hostile situation. These are : 1.) Sticks and stones may break my bones but words cannot hurt me. The problem is that words can and do cause mental pain-often with more lasting harm than actual physical pain from a physical confrontation. 2.) It’s your fault if you cannot take what verbal abuse is thrown your way. This lie says that the victim is the cause of his or her own pain. Verbal abuse in not justified by the means in order to get behavior modification on the part of the another. If there is a need for behavior modification on the part of someone else close to you, there are other ways to seek the change without inflicting mental injury. With these two lies, there is a positive corollary that goes with them and that is that an individual has the ability to change the language environment around themselves.
Who and Why Do Individuals Launch Complex Verbal Attacks
There are three major groups involved here. These are: 1.)These individuals have grown up in hostile language environments and do not know of any other way to ask others to make changes in their own behavior. These individuals need to be educated to reduce the hostility in their language environments and accept the other ways. 2.) These individuals have a mental or psychological defect underlying their hostile behavior and professional help will be needed. But, even here, the techniques and approaches will help some persons. And, 3.) These individuals, the largest group, may abuse their position or rank (bosses, fellow workers, member of a family group, or in-laws) to use verbal abuse to demonstrate their power to get and keep their victim’s attention and to evoke an emotional response from their victim.
This third and last group, may also be seeking behavioral changes on the part of the victim even to the extent of eliminating them from the group. The victim will often use one of the three traditional methods in seeking to defend themselves including counterattacking, pleading, and/or debating. None of these methods work as each will result in furthering the goals of the abuser by keeping the victim’s attention and evoking an emotional response. Many of the abusers in this group do not see themselves as seeking to keep and hold the attention of their or of even wanting to cause pain to their victims but as concerned persons trying to get changes that will make it better for everyone. In their relationship with their victim, they see their desired changes as the only way. Yet, when it is pointed out to them that they are harming their victim, change for the better does not necessarily follow and even more pain may be heaped upon their victim. They are exerting power over their victim or victims, because they feel that they can continue to do so. Yet, often most of these verbal abusers, in their relations with others, appear to be normal every day, reasonable persons.
Verbal Abuse Victims
Abuse victims all share misery at the the time of the verbal assault. Most victims feel the misery thinking about meeting with their abuser just by knowing that a planned encounter with their abuser is coming up. And, most victims re-live their misery when they remember the encounters later from their own recollections or by hearing about it from others or from recounting it for others. Victims are often handicapped by feeling that they should be ashamed of their pain (as caused by the second big lie) and because they have not learned an effective strategy to counter the verbal assaults.
Bystanders to Verbal Assaults
Bystanders are those individuals who are present when a verbal assault occurs. They are often witnesses there for either or both the abuser or their victim or are there trapped by circumstances. They may have the option to leave and may often choose to do so. When they are children or parents of one or both of either the abuser or the victim, the bystanders may often feel the pain of the victim. Children, by their presence, may be learning the patterns to abuse others later as a key way to resolve conflict. Consequently, parents should not agree to fight in the presence or hearing of their children.
What is My Psychological Type 