Some Complex Attacks
There are eight basic attacks involving hidden presuppositions that we can expect to see occasionally. A description of each of those attacks follows along with the hidden presuppositions. The list only starts here.
If you really ________, you would/wouldn’t
First, let us review the words “you” and “your” when they are spoken directly to you. Without any extra stress on either word, whatever said that follows ‘you” or “your” is presumed to be true. This rule applies almost all of the time and not just here. With extra stress on “you” or “your”, the language becomes a shout demanding that you listen.
The Presupposition is:
You don’t ______.
The attack is delivered in blamer mode but can be used by anyone familiar with the concept.
For Example, “If you really love me, you would let your friends see me with you.”
or, ‘If you really loved me, you would not waste money on things we do not need.”
The presupposition then becomes:
“You don’t love me.”
In the example given, the presupposition comes with the stressed “really” followed by “love” and the bait is “let your friends see me with you”. The same effect (attack) could be achieved if the word “really” was omitted and the stress is transferred to the word “love”. In the example, “would” may be replaced with “should” or “could”, “me” could be replaced with the name of another person or a reference to another person (usually a relative-brother, sister, mother, father, etc.) or to a partner or spouse, and the action requested of ” let” could be replaced with other action verbs and “your friends see me” could be replaced with a different event or a physical object or group of objects. The verbal sentence structure with the correctly placed stress is all that is needed to cause the hearer to stop and listen very closely and, perhaps, request confirmation, from their own computer mode, that they heard correctly.
The message here is rather straightforward. It is that the person being spoken to does not manage the couple or family’s finances. The inclusion of “REALLY” does not change the message much but the stress on “REALLY” demands that our internal self listen to the message. This example is very close to being a direct attack.
The attack is escalated when the message is linked to more than just finances. For example, “If you REALLY loved me, you would spend more carefully.” Now, the statement is not about finances at all. The hidden message or presupposition is that you “don’t love me”. The problem comes when the “spending habits” statement is defended, our internal self within hears the message in “don’t love me” and feels the pain associated with this message. The sentence can be rearranged as before and it is still an attack. In this, and some of the other attack types, the full attack is in two parts. The “if you REALLY _______,” is the attack portion and the other part is the bait portion. To respond correctly, the bait must be ignored and the attack portion needs to be addressed in a calm controlled manner without introducing a new attack against the person making the original attack.
Examples of other attack clauses would include:
If you REALLY want me to make A’s in school,
If you REALLY want to get promoted,
If you REALLY care for me,
Examples of bait would include:
you wouldn’t spend so much.
you would loose some weight.
you would quit smoking.
you would make the beds earlier.
you would get to work on time.
Both lists are limited only by the imagination.
A good response will often involve a countering question or statement involving the words who, what, why, when, where or how. And, the personal pronouns (I, me, my, we, our, you, your) will be avoided with the response aimed toward being non-personal. Example responses to the original attack, “If you REALLY loved me, you would spend more carefully.” would include as follows:
“Why do some men (or women) have the feeling that their spouse no longer still loves them?”
or,
“Where do some men get the idea that their spouse no longer loves them?”
or,
“It is interesting that some men get the idea that their spouse no longer loves them.”
(The following comments apply to all of the attack types and not just these examples.)
Avoid adding a new attack to the response. Do not say something like:
“It is interesting that some men get the idea that their spouse no longer loves them when they start to loose their hair.” (The person being addressed has either or both a receding hair line or thinning or bald spots.)
Remember that the bait must be ignored no matter how cruel or unsavory the comment. The hidden attack must be addressed first. After the hidden attack is addressed, then the bait can then be addressed in same manner as the hidden attack. If the attacker changes the topic, then it may be best move on to the new topic.
If you really _______ you would/wouldn’t . . . want ______
The presuppositions are two in number:
1. You don’t want _____
2. “really“- The presence of really with “want” both being stressed creates a condition that cannot be true. If you are reading this and you are human then you must know that we cannot control whatever “wants” seemingly arise coming into our conscious mind. We can manage the thoughts after we are aware of them but we cannot stop the thoughts from entering our mind.
The attack is delivered in blamer mode but can be used by anyone familiar with the concept.
For Example,
“If you really wanted to be a good example to our son, you wouldn’t want to go fishing on Sunday mornings.”
Don’t you even care _____
The presuppositions are two in number and a conclusion.
1. You don’t care about ____.
2. You should care about ______.
3. Therefore, you should feel ______.
The attack is delivered in blamer mode.
For example,
“Don’t you even care if I flunk my dominoes class because I don’t have a calculator?
Even __(a)___ should ___(b)_____
The presuppositions are two in number and a conclusion.
1. There is something wrong with being __(a)___
2. It does not take much intelligence or ability to understand this rule.
3. You should feel guilty and stupid.
The attack is launched in mild computer mode but ends in blamer mode with/or following the word “should” or its replacement.
For example,
“Even a fifth grader should be able to make macaroni and cheese by following the instructions on the box.”
Everyone understands why you ______
The presuppositions are three in number.
1. You are having a hard time ________
2. Everyone knows about the problem _____
3. There is no point in trying to hide or deny it.
This attack starts in blamer mode but may be computer mode. It is probably an attack if “everyone” or “you” are stressed. The stress need not come in the initial statement. The important words to be stressed and instead or “you”, your name, can come later in a short explanation. The initial statement can be further disguised by using a term of endearment (sweetie, my dear, etc.) at the beginning of the statement.
For example,
“Everyone understands why you are having trouble with learning how to cook.”
A person who really _____
The presuppositions are
1. You have _________
This attack is in computer mode.
For example,
“A person who really wants to be my friend doesn’t lie to others about me.”
Why don’t you ever _____
The presuppositions are
1. You do not want me to be _______
2. You have the power to _______
This attack is in blamer mode.
For example,
“Why don’t you ever do something that I also like to do.”
Or, one can compound the attack by the inclusion of “want”.
“Why don’t you ever want do something that I also like to do.”
Some Xs would ______if/when/why
The presuppositions are four in number and a conclusion.
1. It is wrong for you to _______
2. I am not like other _______
3. I have the power over _______
4. You should feel guilty for _______
5. You should feel grateful to me.
This attack is in computer mode but the presuppositions are mostly in blamer mode.
For example,
“Some bosses would really not understand why you are late to work so often.”
You know I’d never tell _______, but
The presuppositions are four in number.
“1. I would tell you ____
2. I have the right to tell you ____
3. I am a very nice person and very polite, and I expect you notice and behave accordingly.
4. Do not _____” (Haden Elgin 1983. p. 118)
Delivered in computer mode.
For example,
“You know I’d never tell you this, but your choices for friends of the opposite sex are just wrong.”
You are not the only _______
The presuppositions are two in number.
1. I have other ______ beside you.
2. You are behaving as if _____________, stop it.
For example,
“You’re not the only fish in the sea.”
Other attack modes include:
You only do that to get attention/to cause a scene ________
SOME _____ would _____ (when/who/what)
Even if _______, I’d always/never_______
Hedge attacks
You know that I’d never tell you what to do, but ____________
I’m making it my business and and you should ______
I know that it’s none of my business, but ___________
I’m making it my business and and you should ______
The above list is not all inclusive. Expect to see or hear other attack variations. The point in listing the above is to allow the reader to be familiar with recognizing verbal assaults and know that there are ways to defend one self.
What is My Psychological Type 