Backup Styles and Other Behavior Not in Style

Back-Up Styles (Our Shadow in Action)

The four styles listed immediately below are related to above average stress that occurs when a situation or a cascade of situations appear. Our normal problem management training or instincts are failing us and paths listed below become available. We are in panic mode and our thinking and actions are more like a very frightened child seeking to avoid punishment but that is not who we really are. The social style listed second in parentheses may be the style where the form originated but each of the listed styles are available to us because we are aware of each style.

Avoider (Analytical) They are after me! Evade them, hide!

The primary need is to be safe from criticism or safe from being found in error. They will feel too weak to fight and, thus, they will disappear to avoid conflict while hiding their emotions or displaying fear.

Acquiescer (Amiable) Also called “Placater” – I will admit to anything if only you not dislike me!

The primary need is to avoid rejection by giving in- acquiescing and appeasing- their perceived attackers. They dare not take an independent stand for fear of rejection. They see themselves as being kind and gentle but they are actually hostile toward those whose approval the need.

Autocrat (Driver) This is not happening! I must control! You must do as I say to protect me!

The primary need is avoid danger by assuming the role of a dictator with absolute power. Emotions is the sign of weakness to be ignored or belittled. They are kind to subservient individuals and fearful of all others. They think of themselves only and are unwilling to admit mistakes on their part.

Attacker (Expressive) Also called “Blamer” – How dare you say I did it or it was my fault! Everyone knows that the Butler did it.

The primary need is seen as desiring to win any and all competitions with anyone. Feelings and aggression and hostility will be expressed toward their perceived tormentors. They must win-actions are impulsive and consequences are ignored. Animation with sound will be used to overcome enemies.

Distracter Two or more of the above used in a stream of words.

When we encounter someone actively showing signs of being engaged in active backup style behavior, we may need try to bring them back to normal reality in order to find out what is the matter. Be kind. If the source problem can be addressed, then proceed. If not, then plan otherwise.

Other Out of Style Behavior – Partial Listing – A person engaged in activities listed below may or may not be displaying their basic style or type. Being engaged in the activities below creates a negative style watching situation for the viewer.

Recent Trauma including good – planning to marry, become a mother or a father, etc., and bad – like loss of a needed job, the death of someone close to you, etc.

Under the Influence of Drugs – Those that cause numbness or other effects resulting in loss of free will.

Adult Play and Foreplay – Actual planned and unplanned stress relieving activities and including flirting and teasing with others, known and unknown.

Prayer and Praying – They are praying.

Acting – They are acting for reasons of their own. They may be reaching out to better communicate with others. Or, their intent is to deceive. We regularly modify our behavior when we are in a power situation where we are giving deference to another (parent-child, student-teacher, boss-employee, etc.) or are seeking deference from another. In addition, anytime we revisit those whom we have had a relationship in the past, we are likely to revert to how we acted in the past (as with a being with a group of seldom seen relatives or old friends). The behavior changes seen involve a form of acting. Such relationships are difficult for an outside viewer to know of and take into consideration.

Groups – They are a member of group and are, at that time, following their leader in their role as a follower (member of a group). Some of the most common groups are a member of audience at an entertainment event, fraternal organization, a religious service, a military organization (engaged in activities as a unit) and may include being a member of a gang.

Lover’s Exchange – They are in a period of information exchange with a future significant other person and we are seeing this event as a observer or as a participant.

For those that want a print copy summary on Behavior Out of Style, activate the link below:

Phase 3 begins by activating this link. Phase 3 presents an Action Plan for your to follow when interacting with others using the information that you have learned about the other person.